Significant Other: What’s on My List.

February 20, 2013 — 2 Comments

Relationships seem to be on everyone’s mind. What makes me think this?

Welp, the topic comes up in every. single. conversation. that I have with my friends (both girls and guys). Her: “So… are you dating anyone now?” Me: “How’s [fill in guy’s name here]?” Her: “Did you hear that Rick’s dating Shiela?!” Everyone wants to know who you’re dating, what’s going on, and if he or she could be / is ‘The One.’

Seeing as ‘Happy Single’s Awareness Day’, oopsie, I mean, Valentine’s Day, just passed, I felt compelled to write something on the matter.

Included in my 180 life turnaround, I thought long and hard about what I wanted in a mate, because honestly, I’m not getting any younger and the future is looming, yes, looming, lol – like an ominous cloud. I realize that when I finally (hopefully?) get married, over half of my life will be spent with my significant other (and our children).

I came up with a list of 16 non-negotiables (the first five are most certainly not!):

  1. Christian (serving God 24/7)
  2. Intelligent (book smart, street smart, wise, prudent)
  3. Thoughtful / sweet
  4. Reliable (punctual a plus)
  5. Generous
  6. Humble (Updated: 6/10/13)
  7. Good communicator
  8. Loyal / honest
  9. Patient
  10. Leader (i.e. a servant)
  11. Athletic / health conscious 
  12. Tender / comforting
  13. Loves kids (and animals)
  14. Loves to eat
  15. Adventurous / traveler (but not a partier / regular drinker)
  16. Clean / neat

Additionally, I think I want to marry someone Asian. Yes, you’re reading this correctly. Me. Marriage. Asian. (The last person I kind of ‘dated’ was not Asian-American, and I don’t think it would’ve worked out culturally). In the future, I want someone to not only understand, but also support me in being a ‘Tiger Mom’ (and kind of be a ‘Tiger Dad’, too!).

  • Me to my kid (and imagine me saying this in one breath, because I can, and probably will): “No, you may not go to the movies tonight. Is your homework done? Did you study? Did you practice [insert sport, instrument etc. here]? Do you have all A’s?? No, I’m not buying you that iPhone just because everyone else has one. Why not? Because you don’t need it. Let me see if I understand you correctly: you want your friend who’s a boy to come over? Sure, he can come over and sit at the dining table while I watch both of you do your homework. (i.e. I may creepily stare at him and make him feel uncomfortable so he’ll leave as soon as he came.) Why am I asking you all these questions? Because I’m your mom, and I know what’s best for you! And because I said so! And, if you get any ideas to negotiate with your dad, the answer will be the same. We have each others’ backs. Now let me see your report card.”
  • P.S. There is nothing wrong with instilling a little fear in them! Yes, my kids will still love me; I don’t worry about that in the slightest! :o)
  • P.P.S. Might as well show the crazy now and sort the weak from the strong. At least you know what you’re getting up front! Ain’t nobody tryin’ to pretend to be someone they ain’t!


So I’m sure many of y’all think that my list is pretty steep, maybe even unrealistic. But I respectfully disagree. During my first year of teaching in Hawai’i, I told one of my (Christian) students (in tutorials) that I’m probably not going to marry a virgin because they don’t exist. You know what this fourteen-year-old told me? “Ms. Lew, how do you know? If that’s what you want, you can have it. P.S. You’re like a regulation hottie, so I’m sure you could get pretty much any guy you want.” (Oh, if only the latter were true!)

Look at this fourteen-year-old schooling me in school! She’s right. It is possible. (Matthew 19:26) Honestly, I’m not in a huge rush anyway. I’m so busy learning and growing in my relationship with God that a significant other seems like another life (literally and figuratively speaking). Still, I’m confident of something amazing materializing in His perfect timing!



The next post continues from this one and clarifies the components of a successful relationship / marriage. I highly encourage you to listen to the podcast or at least read the transcript – it will be life-changing.

2 responses to Significant Other: What’s on My List.


    Again, Christine, I say you are overthinking these things. When you start to let down your guard, stop clinging to perfectionist lists and open yourself up to love, it will happen when you least expect it. I’m not saying that no guys exist who fit your list, but from experience I know that you may fall in love with someone whom you would not have given a chance if you stuck to “the list”. Also, you are so young, so step away from the “I’m not getting any younger” logic, because it can only make you unhappy, which is not going to help you find love. I got married at 28 years old, and I felt like I was “right on schedule”. My sister is three years older, and if/when she marries, it will be “right on schedule”. Some people get married and divorced several times in their life nowadays. So maybe instead of pushing ourselves due to age or trying to fit some kind of social norm – and btw nowadays getting married around 30 is normal – we should take a deep breath and enjoy life.

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